Okay, I must confess this is the first of my favourite times of the year. Not because of new year's resolutions, (my formal setting of a to-do list, as documented here, is a real first for me), but in terms of what is going on in the world calender. It's the start of awards season in the entertainment world, and for some reason looking at what people are wearing and picking my favs to win this and that award is highly exciting for me. I love films - I watch an inordinate amount and I love to hear people's acceptance speeches and wonder what possessed that person to pick what they wore. Unfortunately, due to my peripatetic semi-homeless state, this year is the first year in 11 years that I will not be able to watch all the award shows on time, but luckily due to the technology that is the pvr, my sister is taping everything for me so I can enjoy when I get home in a coupla months. Unfortunately that means avoiding the news for the next two months but I have already found out that Natalie Portman did win the Golden Globe, which I am very happy about, but now I know darn it! I don't know how I'm going to keep this up.
The big sports tournament season starts too with the Australian Open that I have only been able to watch one match of :(. Yesterday I was able to catch the Nadal-Tomic match and probably will not be able to catch another match till the Finals due to time-difference and work. I really hope he can make the career slam and history. His after-match speech reminded me how much I love him as an athlete. I really love strength that comes from accepting vulnerability and being comfortable in honesty. I am to write a post about that soon. Yes, another post added to my never-ending list that is constantly being invaded and usurped by things that need to be dealt with in a timely fashion.
These are the times I miss working from home and/or being a student which is what I have been for the last four years. Luckily the Africa Cup of Nations that traditionally happens in January is only on even years so I have time to rectify the situation for next year. It is at time like this that I feel the holes in my life too. My enjoyment of film and sport as a fan sort of fills the hole that has been created by not being able to play sport or pursue acting which I was able to do as a student. These passions provided great relief and clarity to think and be and do in life.
It makes me think about what I want to be as an adult. Technically I have been an adult for quite a while but I have never really felt like one to be quite honest. I have come to a point in my life where I have definitely finished my education, as I have no inclination to pursue a PhD and have to figure out who I want to be both professionally and personally and whether I have the courage to do what it takes in both areas. To figure out how to reconcile the intertwining and complementary yet polarising dichotomies that these two parts of life create. How to figure out the concatenations that make the simplicity of the many dualities in life complicated. Steps have been made but where will they lead?
As much as I am addicted to uncertainty, there is comfort in at least knowing that the path is set even if you have no idea which direction you are going in. I am currently waiting for that comfort. Unfortunately I'm the most patient impatient person. So I am currently driving myself crazy by recognising that all good things are worth the wait, but the wait is killing me! So I am currently trapped in a vicious cycle of applying logic to the illogical to stay sane which could possibly lead me to further craziness. Great! NOT!
The big sports tournament season starts too with the Australian Open that I have only been able to watch one match of :(. Yesterday I was able to catch the Nadal-Tomic match and probably will not be able to catch another match till the Finals due to time-difference and work. I really hope he can make the career slam and history. His after-match speech reminded me how much I love him as an athlete. I really love strength that comes from accepting vulnerability and being comfortable in honesty. I am to write a post about that soon. Yes, another post added to my never-ending list that is constantly being invaded and usurped by things that need to be dealt with in a timely fashion.
These are the times I miss working from home and/or being a student which is what I have been for the last four years. Luckily the Africa Cup of Nations that traditionally happens in January is only on even years so I have time to rectify the situation for next year. It is at time like this that I feel the holes in my life too. My enjoyment of film and sport as a fan sort of fills the hole that has been created by not being able to play sport or pursue acting which I was able to do as a student. These passions provided great relief and clarity to think and be and do in life.
It makes me think about what I want to be as an adult. Technically I have been an adult for quite a while but I have never really felt like one to be quite honest. I have come to a point in my life where I have definitely finished my education, as I have no inclination to pursue a PhD and have to figure out who I want to be both professionally and personally and whether I have the courage to do what it takes in both areas. To figure out how to reconcile the intertwining and complementary yet polarising dichotomies that these two parts of life create. How to figure out the concatenations that make the simplicity of the many dualities in life complicated. Steps have been made but where will they lead?
As much as I am addicted to uncertainty, there is comfort in at least knowing that the path is set even if you have no idea which direction you are going in. I am currently waiting for that comfort. Unfortunately I'm the most patient impatient person. So I am currently driving myself crazy by recognising that all good things are worth the wait, but the wait is killing me! So I am currently trapped in a vicious cycle of applying logic to the illogical to stay sane which could possibly lead me to further craziness. Great! NOT!
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