Happiness :)

This is how I feel on the inside but it doesn't always reflect on the outside.
This image will help me to remember myself, which is much needed right now!
African Print Hoodie designed by my favourite ready-to-wear proudly Zambian
label Kamanga Wear.  Photo ©  Pencil Case Studios

I needed to take headshots for an article and ended up spending the afternoon shooting in various locations in Lusaka, just so I could have some professional stock photos.  I am crap at taking pictures coz my face is so expressive I end up looking manic, deranged, psycho, confused, angry, disgusted...< insert unseemly derp face type here >.  As a child I came to accept images of me would not really capture my essence, as being passionate comes at a price.  It could be worse... Not really bothered by it, but it doesn't help when trying to express yourself through photos in my line of work and they don't really reflect you.  Perception and representation are everything in the media.  I come off as inaccessible and aloof when really I am so carefree and silly.  My seriousness is perfectly counterbalanced by a childlike lust for life.  And my happiness is directly proportionally to feeling like I am doing something meaningful with my life.  It doesn't have to be large, even something as small and ephemeral making my niece smile gives me a profound sense of worth and accomplishment.  BIMBO recently sent me this article, that reinforced this and also gave me reason to keep searching for meaning as there are added health benefits that come with it!

Silumesii, the awesomest photographer on the planet, was able to capture my spirit and soul honestly and authentically.  He did not tamper with the image.  This is me unadulterated: no photoshop, no airbrushing, just mother Africa warming my spirit and the sun shining to illuminate my soul from within.  I am an inherently happy person.  I don't actually deal well when I have negative emotions swirling around in my head upon my heart aching to let me know they exist.  My professional life has been causing such angst I'm schizophrenic.  I can feel the ugliness oozing out my of pores and to my detriment.  My see-sawing is affecting others, to my chagrin.  I want to feel like me everyday and not have to hide in the shadows until the darkness allows the light in.  My honesty, though a strength, is also a weakness.  My physical being cannot hide what is festering inside and finds a way to purge, through illness if necessary.  My face betrays me when I do not have the requisite energy to shield those around me from the side-effects of tribulation. This quote sort of encapsulates what I am facing in Zambia right now: People keep trying to thwart my efforts to be my best self through my company because it means them stepping up their game and doing their best too:

"What is apparent, however, is that many Zambians have continued to fold their arms in the false hope that a 'magical' transformation in their lives will magically occur without them necessarily putting in any effort" - Sam Phiri, from article in The Times of Zambia, 4 October 2011

In honour of this photo, I have leafed through my little scribble book and gone through my quotes collection.  I have also done this as it's about time I change the Amashiwi up top in order to reflect my current state of excitement and anticipation as I reemerge after a serious battering, which I address in the aforementioned article that inspired the photoshoot. I will post it when it is published.  As I keep telling myself: don't just sleep, start walking: don't just dream, LIVE!  

Happiness and inspirational Quotes:

"Happiness is not something ready made.  It comes from your own actions" - Dalai Lama

"To thine own self be true" - William Shakespeare from Hamlet

"I think that feeling that if one believed in any cause, then one must have the confidence, the self-certainty, to go through with that particular course of action" - Wole Soyinka, Nigerian Nobel Laureate: Literature 

"Hate is a too great a burden to bear, it injures the hater more than the hated" - Correta Scott King, Human Rights Activist

"The only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve" Albert Schweitzer, Theologian and Physician 

"Sometimes, people call my way of speaking ranting.  Why are you always ranting and screaming, they ask.  But here's the thing...the reason why I rant is because I am a voice for many women that cannot speak out to...those that influence systems of oppression.  And so I rant. And I will not stop ranting until my mission of equality for all girls is achieved" - Leymah Gbowee

"I am not on this earth by chance.  I am here for a purpose and that purpose is to grow into a mountain, not to shrink into a grain of sand" - Og Mandino

"I think the reward for conformity is that everyone likes you except yourself" - Rita Mae Brown

"Life isn't about finding yourself.  Life is about creating yourself" - George Bernard Shaw

"We are boxed in by the boundary condition of our thinking" - Albert Einstein

"Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything" - George Bernard Shaw

"What I know for sure: There is no greater gift you can give or recieve than to honour your true calling.  It's why you were born.  And how you become most truly alive" - Oprah Winfrey

"Life is going to give you just what you put in it.  Put your whole heart into everything you do and pray then you can wait...God helps those who help themselves" - Maya Angelou from I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings

"If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door" - Milton Berle

"If you are going to do creative work that will change the world, then there is one ingredient to your success: REST.  You must take time to take care of your soul, to check in with your emotional self and make sure all is well with your inner life.  This is ESSENTIAL more than with any other type of work in my opinion.  Because your vocation requires you to pull from within, to consult the genius inside of you, to reach into the depths of your soul and share it with the world - to inspire to encourage, challenge and change.  I will say it again: If you endeavour to create, you must rest" - Jeff Goins

"The fact that you're struggling doesn't make you a burden.  It doesn't make you unlovable or undesirable or undeserving of care.  It doesn't make you too much or too sensitive or too needy.  It makes you human.  Everyone struggles.  Everyone has a difficult time coping, and at times, we all fall apart.  During these times, we aren't always easy to be around - and that's okay.  No one is easy to be around 100 percent of the time.  Yes you may sometimes do or say things that make people around you feel helpless or sad.  But these things aren't all of who you are and they certainly don't discount your worth as a human being.  The truth is that you can be struggling and still be loved.  You can be difficult and still be cared for.  You can be less than perfect and still be deserving of compassion and kindess" - Daniell Koepke