Mobile Tales: Part 1 - The Blues

The last time I switched on my phone hoping for
adifferent result after prayer and desperate hope
proved ultimately unsuccessful :(

It is a well documented fact that mobile phones are the number one technology in Africa right now.  We love our phones. Not only do we on the continent adore and worship them, we hang on to them to the bitter end, till they die.  Let's be honest, until they are beyond the grave really! This is because we have such faith in our phones, and we know that our love for them will resusciate them.   They are so much more than a communication device and a must-have accessory. That and phones are expensive man, we do not have developed world deals that allow you to change your smartphone like your underwear. Having said that, I do hope people out there do not change their underwear once a year like many people do their phones.  I digress...

My phone started its slow decent into unwanted obsolescence in the final quarter of last year, after its first birthday.  I remember exactly when it happened, it was during a Whatsapp conversation with C-ZED and the e stopped working.  The e would proceed to toy with me for a coupla months before finally disappearing, taking the number 2 with it (as on a BB to access the 2 when not in dial mode you have to press alt > e).  This was an easy hurdle to overcome.  I simply copied an e and adapted my thumb typing style. The QWERTY format was initially designed to ensure secretaries didn't type too fast so their bosses could change their words during a dictation session.  Unfortunately, what was not counted on, is the power of human cerebral and kinetic adaptability.  Our minds are so cool that once they learn the hodge-podge placement of our abcs, they are able to type at lightening speed with practice.  This same mental and physical agility came into play with my BlackBerry.

Repetition is such a simple concept and/ or strategy, but one of the most highly effective ways of learning and pummelling one's way to success.  After my thumbs had done the BB menu button > scroll to select paste for the e (and when needed the e would be temporarily substituted with a cut and paste 2 job) to appear on the screen, I was able to type as quickly as I had done before.  Of course, this solution did have holes in it. Most importantly, e is one of the most used vowels and letters in the frigging English language! If I had typed the precending sentence I would have had to do perform the aforementioned action 9 times (plus if I was writing a professional email I would have had to search for a capital E for English if I couldn't go round it with spell check)!  There are certain functions that do not allow this quick fix paste job.  You can dial and paste, so calling new numbers or entering in credit top-up numbers was not a problem, but when using the phone keypad selection menu when calling in customer service or using USSD services like Xapit was not possible if navigation to the correct department or service required a 2.  This was especially annoying when trying to do things with my mobile internet router and when trying to use my mobile banking account.  In desperation I would temporarily steal my younger sister's or my mother's handset but this was not always possible.

My earring wall in the US 2009-10

So I decided to go to the BlackBerry store at Manda Hill and see what could be done.   They told me that my keypad needed realignment and it would cost me K450 000 which is close to $100 or £70.  What did I think about that: HELL TO THE NO! WTF! That's a decent Nokia phone or multiple basic functionality ones that come with a really cool torch or a pretty cool Samsung man!  I might as well buy the second handset I have promised myself to reactivate my dormant simcard.  This slight inconvenience was not worth that much, come to think of it, I could buy a pair of nice shoes with that. Or 45-90 pairs of earrings from the Sunday Market (to understand my love of cheap and stylish earrings read this post)! That is fuel for a month with deliberate and careful usage!  That's three times as much as I spend on airtime and BlackBerry services per month .  Jeez!

Things could only go downhill and they did in superb fashion.  For the first four months of 2012 the trackpad would stop working and basically I would have to rub it so hard pretty much everyday, multiple times, to get it to start working again, and the same for the whole keypad. The only way I could turn off my phone was by taking the battery out as the off button retired unannounced and unsanctioned.  Sometimes I would have to give the phone a time-out and put it in a corner with its battery out for a coupla hours till it learnt that hissy fits and petulant i'm-not-gonna-work behaviour was unacceptable. Every now and again the e would become the only letter working or it would teasingly reappear for a bit before deserting me again. Or I would press a key and get multiple iterations of letter(s) I didn't even press and/ or would barely touch the keyboard and a whole load of gobbledy-gook would appear on the screen and would refuse to be deleted.  Instead more nonsense would appear. I became addicted to this vicious cycle and would be waiting with baited breath for my phone to malfunction and would get such a high from being able to fix it with my primitive ingenuity.  I should have known the end was nigh when my phone would die for a day and I would have to take out the battery and let it rest for 24 hours as the corner trick was not sufficient in restoring funcionality anymore.  

Thanks to social media documenting our lives, I can actually track the last days of my beloved phone:

3rd May: My phone has thrown one of its hissy fits so to the 5 people who have tried to call me, I cannot answer my phone and to SPORTS GUZA whom I assume is the person who whatsapped me I can't open up the app  to check your message :(. Phone has been put in the corner till it calms down and rights itself. Please comment on this update or message me if it's for my eyes only...


SPORTS GUZA: not to worry, wasn't a personal msg, but dude it's now really time to get a new phone...


MbA: are you paying for it, right now the phone works enough for me to be able to get through the week. i have things to take care of with higher priority. if all goes well, i can upgrade in coupla months, if not i'm going to have to suffer with my diva phone!


4th May: My phone has died :(. Trackpad and keyboard have refused to resusitate themselves and so I have had to get a new BlackBerry. I blame SPORTS GUZA for my phone's demise. Usually a rest would do it but it sensed someone wanted it to cease living and it just gave up...Good news is I am reachable again...


SPORTS GUZA: about time too!!!!!!


So now I have a new BlackBerry thanks to a wealthy benefactor, aka my lovely Mother who felt sorry for me and had witnessed me struggling with my phone for months.  I am however toying with getting a Android phone when things fall into place in order to take advantage of Instagram.  I am an Apple-hater so have refused to join the i-family and so far have not suffered too much.  Heard that Samsung have a coupla phones that I may like, and at the moment I'm really feeling their "Built for Africa" campaign.  Them sponsoring Chelsea and having Drogba, Essien and Mikel in their ads doesn't hurt either.  Their solar powered netbook is truly inspired!  Nokia left the door open for new suitors to court me when they failed to  upgrade with me as I moved from basic phone functionality to smartphones.  I have been cheating on them for a while but as I have learnt in life, you never forget your first love, but you don't necessarily (have to) end up with them.  


In honour of my first BlackBerry, here are links to mobile posts in 2010: TIA: This is Africa, Testy-Testy 1-2-3 ;}, and all mobile posts can be found here. You can find Part 2, about the Mobile Monday Lusaka Launch here.

Not A Happy Puppy Blues :(

I do not believe in hating, but if ever there was anything to dislike with a passion it is Manchester United.  Man U sycophants are even worse.  Not since the days of Cantona have I cared for that team, especially seeing as most of the fans love the team because they love to win, not because they believe in the team at all.  My best friend BBM is a classic example of this type of nonsensical support. Bleh!

My love for Chelsea is pure. Since 1996 I had a feeling when Ruud Gullit came on board that this team would build itself into something phenomenal, pledged my allegiance and Chelsea came through.  I will bleed blue forever!  And I love that it has a solid African contingent with my favs Essien and Kalou and even though Drogba rubs me the wrong way, he is good at what he does so we support him too.

However, I am annoyed by the Community Shield result. Yes eventually champions have to lose but, man! to frikking Man U at the start of the season?! Kalou as usual was clutch , at least putting Chelsea on the scoreboard albeit late in the game.  Drogba has admitted to carrying around a groin problem for 6 years that he has only just fixed and now has to get match fit learning to play without the injury!  Plus he is getting over the crazy World Cup arm incident too.  Glad that Essien is wetting his football feet again. 

Chelsea need to shape up and start the season well.  

"Merchants of Hope": The Disillusionment In The African Football Dream

Finally watched the Current TV documentary Soccer's Lost Boys. I am glad I waited till after the World Cup as it was depressing to see what happens to these boys who are sold hope by sketchy Africans and Europeans alike.



First and foremost I agree with a comment made that comparing this situation with those of the Lost Boys of Sudan is not equal.  I know that documentaries like to be incendiary, but that was a bit much.  I liked how one of the men who had been tricked into going to Morocco by an agent said that the people who deal in the African Dream are "Sellers of hope".  When asked why people still fall for it, even though it is clear that nothing comes of it, he continued to say that that is what they do they are "Merchants of hope" that deal with "total disillusionment."  These people prey of the hopes and dreams of young children who want to emulate their heroes Drogba, Essien and Eto'o and their families who are easily led to believe that their investment will be return exponentially.  So "Sellers" or "Merchants of hope" I think would have been a better title.

Africans have to take responsibility for the inception of the disillusionment.  Our stars need to not only come back and set up schools, football camps and better the communities they came from, they also need to speak up regularly about how they are the exception not the rule.  They also need to talk about how they got to where they are, because when recruited, payment to an agent is not required, the club pays for the expenses.  And even if things more often that not don't pan out, at least families are not left destitute. I happened to sit next to a young Zambian football player off to Germany and France to try his luck.  I flew with him to South Africa and made sure he got on his connecting flight as he had never flown before. He had all his documents in an envelope and who to call if anything went wrong. That is how it is supposed to be done. These realities need to be revealed.

This reminds me of the article in Time's June World Cup Issue about Samuel Eto'o. During his conversation with the Time's reporter Eto'o made use of the word dream a total 14 times including when he said  "My whole life is a dream, a dream come true, a dream I'll only wake up from the day I stop playing football." However this is the exception not the rule. Most of the time, the boys end up realising they are actually in a nightmare that they can't wake up from. The ones who are manage to make it to Europe are still likely to be met with disappointment. Eto'o went through a reputable sports academies in Cameroun: L'Ecole de Football des Brassieries du Cameroun and the Kadji Sport Academy, played for his country at the U-16 level and was recruited by Real Madrid. And the people who are read the article are not the people who are going to be bamboozled.  This story needs to be told through channels that will reach those vulnerable to these get-rich-quick-through-football schemes as well.

Essien's journey is similiar, taking him to France first after representing Ghana at Youth level.  Drogba was lucky to have family in France.  Essien finished high school and Drogba was banned from football when he had to repeat a year of school.  Unlike what Mr. Smith, the dubious Ghanaian Youth Coach said, these guys did not abandon their education to become the stars they we know and love. He should not be encouraging kids to do so in the name of their idols.

The exploitation continues in Europe, where those interested profiting from football and those interested in exploiting the precarious situation these boys find themselves in once they are no longer legal take advantage. Continuing the illusion of hope by making these boys play games hoping that they will be spotted by an agent, or locals taking advantage of the boys need to survive at whatever cost is just as despicable as the coaches and agents in Africa who pluck them from their families.

What I liked most about the documentary is that it showed that there are Africans and Europeans who have seen this problem and are doing something about it.  You can find more information about the initiatives mentioned in the documentary below.  There are also links to other initiatives going on and what Drogba and Essien are doing (Eto'o site is temporarily down btw):

The Right To Dream, The Craig Bellamy Foundation, Foot Solidaire, FIFA and Foot Solidaire, Win in Africa With Africa, 1Goal, Essien's Foundation, Drogba's Foundation, Eto'o's Foundation.

African Union Announces Advisory Council and Peace Ambassadors

The AU has taken inspiration from the UN and has announced Advisory Councillors and Peace Ambassadors to help bring about stability around the continent.  The list is impressive and diverse, from former presidents and powerful businessmen appointed as Councillors to sports personalities and musicians named Ambassadors, including Archbishop Emeritus Desmond Tutu, President F. W. De Klerk, Mo Ibrahim, Graca Machel and Professor Wangari Maathai, as well as Micheal Essien, Maria Mutola, Angelique Kidjo and Youssou N'Dour.

The BBC's Africa Have Your Say  has started a debate about it. People are predictably skeptical.  It always irritates me when people provide diatribes, lamenting the state of Africa that completely ignore any positivity in the situation, instead of insight and ideas for change.


Without hope there is no way for progress.

Instead of shutting every idea down and being skeptical, try a little faith my fellow Africans and be proactive to to find a way to a better tomorrow.  Passive aggressiveness, anger and spite are not helpful really: They are debilitating - they poison the mind and dishearten the soul. I think it is great that we are taking the initiative to use Peace Day as a way of reinvigorating dedication to bettering Africa, using our own accomplished and prominent figures, both on the continent and globally, to lead the way.  Homophily is a powerful thing.  As much I am a fan of the Angelina Jolies and Bonos in the world, them turning up to a village to help perpetuates the notion that an outsider has to come for us Africans to be saved.  Having someone African coming to our aid sends a profoundly potent message - that we too have the initiative to change our fates for the better :)

What will you be doing on the 21st of September?

The Black Stars Are Shining Bright In The African Sky

Was a little worried about Essien not being able to play this World Cup.  Was even more worried when Sulley Muntari was omitted from the starting line-up due to his thigh injury, even though it was rumoured he would be fighting fit for Serbia.  However as my little one from Ghana promised me, the boys pulled through.  The Black Stars are the epitome of African football, African Pride and African survival.    They were so poised, not too ambitious but not too cautious, just right.  Just beautiful! Just beautiful! It was good to see Appiah playing for a bit too, I have missed him. You can see why this team was a finalist at the Africa Cup earlier this year. Algeria's 0-1 loss to Slovenia highlights the unfortunate fact that the Eygptians, the current Africa Cup champions should have been in South Africa.  They are in a difficult group with Germany who won 4-0 to Australia but I think they can pull through in second place for sure if they continue to play with such level heads.

All I have to say to the Serbian coach is maybe you should tie your player's octopus hands behind their backs because clearly they have issues controlling them ;}

Here is video of Gyan's penalty that gave Ghana the lead deservedly.  Pity he couldn't get that second goal, I think it was one of the best misses of the tournament if you can have such a thing :}



And here is a cute video I found of a little Afghan girl giving Ghana's football history.  She really knows her stuff!

Didier Drogba, Les Elephants And Eye Candy :)

Didier Drogba has been honoured with a place on Time Magazine's 100 list for 2010. Considering his influence not only in Cote D'Ivoire, but also in the world through football, this is not surprising.  You would think that seeing as I have bled blue since 1996 I would be a real Drogba fan but alas I am not.  I find him quite a petulant childish man on the field, and if he was not so talented a player I would not care for him at all.  I suppose it is the nature of the striker to have a bit of diva in them, but sometimes I think that he indulges this to ludicrous points that overshadow his football and puts a sour taste in my mouth watching him.

If we are talking Ivorians I love Kalou. He is such a clutch player and I love his little mohawk, love that he is silent but deadly.  His efforts are often overshadowned by his more flamboyant teammate, both at Chelsea and when representing Les Elephants, but he is a vital cog in the  machine on both teams :).  My love at Chelsea however is Essien.  He has such grace, such style, such power, and he's good looking to boot.  PERFECT :}.  My friend COMBINE (com-be-nay) will not be amused by my proclamation because she is convinced that she is his future wife.  Ha!

My second pet peeve is Drogba's hair. WHY? I know all these footballers like Cristiano Ronaldo, (with whom he features on the current Vanity Fair cover) like to experiment with perms, relaxers, length, gels, colour, braids and anything else they can think of, but really, I do not enjoy a lot of their hairstyles.  A little too prima dona and metrosexual for me these footballers.

However, I have come to respect and like Drogba off the field the more I have come to know about him.  This article shows how he is growing as a man, and how he knows that he can be a bit of a baby.  I also like his hyperawareness of his position in society and how his actions have a butterfly effect with quite grandiose consequences at times.  His devotion to charity and hospitals redeem his on-pitch antics.

I do believe that Drogba can lead Kalou, the Toures and the rest of the boys to victory at the World Cup. Les Elephants are set to trample all those put in front of them if he keeps his head.  They are in a difficult group though with Brazil and Portugal in the mix (this is group G with Korea DPR as well). Qualifying out of this group will be a herculean but not a sysiphean task. We will have sangomas, juju and mother Africa's protection on our side he he he ;}! He himself is cognisant of the weight on his shoulders and how he carries the dreams of Africa.  He is already championing for his team, letting everyone know they are a force to be reckoned with, and that 2010 is the year to present Africa to the world in a different and more positive light.  You can read his thoughts here.  You can also read what Ya Ya Toure has to say about Cote D'Ivoire and 2010 here.

Drogba is actually quite a soft spoken man for someone who hurls obscenities at referees and dives about in grass so much I'm convinced he is at least part fish.  Here is a video of who he feels is the most influential person in his life.



And here is some eye candy featuring footballers participating in the World Cup next month, including Didier Drogba, Samuel Eto'o of Cameroun and Sulley Muntari of Ghana. Unfortunately, they will not be so skantily clad when playing next month :(